


The unravelling

by Haechannieislife



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Child Abuse, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Past Rape/Non-con, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-30
Updated: 2017-09-30
Packaged: 2019-01-07 02:35:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12223995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haechannieislife/pseuds/Haechannieislife
Summary: I try to hold it together, even as my former teachers and CEO’s faces flash up on the screen. I left the day my trainee contract expired, aged 17. I never looked back, never wanted to think about it. Perhaps I should have told someone, but they probably wouldn’t have believed me anyway, besides I just wanted to forget. I haven't let myself dwell too much on it, choosing instead to throw myself into school and work and performing. However I could never bring myself to join another label, despite getting a fair few offers. I know others did, and that they haven't encountered the same issues, but I could never bring myself to, I was always too scared.





	The unravelling

We’re all gathered in front of the tv when I see it. I’m leaning on Minhyun, in and out of a light doze as the news plays. It wouldn't be my first choice of TV show, but it’s Woojin’s thing, he has to watch the news each day otherwise he gets anxious. If we’re not at home Jisung makes sure he can watch it on someone’s phone or something, it’s a slightly odd safety blanket but whatever works for him I guess. The news however then switches to a new story, one that captures everyone in the room’s interest. 

“The CEO, among other head executives, of music label Synergy Entertainment has been arrested on suspicion of possessing and distributing child pornography, sexual exploitation, sexual assault, statutory rape, blackmail and rape. The accused allegedly sexually assaulted the trainees under their label, and there is evidence that the crimes go as far back as 2009.”

I try to hold it together, even as my former teachers and CEO’s faces flash up on the screen. I left the day my trainee contract expired, aged 17. I never looked back, never wanted to think about it. Perhaps I should have told someone, but they probably wouldn’t have believed me anyway, besides I just wanted to forget. I haven't let myself dwell too much on it, choosing instead to throw myself into school and work and performing. However I could never bring myself to join another label, despite getting a fair few offers. I know others did, and that they haven't encountered the same issues, but I could never bring myself to, I was always too scared. 

“What do you think Jaewhan?” “Huh?” I reply.”What do you think about the entertainment company,” Jisung explains, gesturing to the TV. “Uh, yeah it's terrible,” I reply, unsure of what to say. “Those poor kids,” Sungwoon chimes in, “they're saying they hurt ones as young as 13,” he details, looking sad. Out of my peripheral vision I see Daniel pull Guanlin a bit closer, and I don't blame him. Young, foreign trainees are the most vulnerable in situations like that. The conversation continues, but it is soon interrupted by my phone ringing. I quickly glance down at the caller ID, and am surprised to see it's an old Hyung, one of the few I kept in contact with from my old agency. We were always close, and despite not seeing him in a while he sent me pictures every week of his produce 101 vote. I know what he must be calling about however, so I am quick to leave the room before I answer.

“Hey Hyung.” “Hey Jaehwan-ah, did you see it?” He asks, sounding resigned. “Yeah, yeah it was just on the news.” “You know the police might turn up at our doors right?” “What why?” I ask, sounding as alarmed as I feel. I'm screwed if they show up here. “They'll want to question ex-trainees, plus they said they found photo evidence didn't they?” I guess it depends if they captured us in particular on camera.” Shit shit shit shit. What am I going to do? I feel myself beginning to panic, and I guess my Hyung must of sensed it. “Hey, hey kiddo it'll be alright. They can't make you give any evidence if you don't want to.” “What about my group, they'll find out if the police show up,” I whisper down the line. “You told me you get on well with them, they're not going to be angry at you are they? I would tell them if I were you.” “Why? What if the police never come and I've told them for nothing?” “Jaehwan-ah, I don't want you to have to worry about this all by yourself, even if you just tell one or two of them, then they can help you out yeah.” He kind of has a point, but I'm not sure. I tell him as much, and annoyingly he continues to make sense, “sleep on it, no one's going to show up in the middle of the night are they?” We say our goodbyes, and I give myself some time to calm myself down before re-entering the living room. 

“Who was that?” Daewhi asks. “An old friend from back home,” I tell him, before resuming my spot on the sofa. We watch some re-runs of cartoons before bed, and I try and emmerse myself in them so I don't start thinking about telling someone. Everyone starts heading to bed too soon in my opinion, and I decide to have a shower to relax. I head for the bathroom, almost running into Minhyun in the doorway. “It's okay Hyung, you can go first,” I tell him, gesturing at the open doorway. “Ah it's alright Jaehwan-ah, we can just go together.” “No it's okay Hyung, you first.” “Honestly it's fine, why are you being weird?” he laughs, grabbing my arm to pull me in with him. I can't, I can't shower with him. I feel dirty, the idea of him seeing me makes my skin crawl. I know it's ridiculous considering we all shower in pairs together all the time, but I feel myself pushing him away from me, and screaming for him to get off. My screech causes half the dorm to come running. Someone puts their hand on my shoulder and I just can't, I end up flinching away from them. Everyone is looking at me in confusion, Minhyun included, but I can't face them. After a few tense moments, Sungwoon comes forward slowly. He carefully moves to place an arm around my shoulders, and steer me to face the rest of the group. I see him mouth to the others that I'm shaking, and I let myself sag into his hold. He tightens his grip before asking “are you tired Jaehwan? Do you need to get some sleep?” I nod in response, cuddling closer. “Okay,” he nods to himself. “I'm sorry for freaking you out Jaehwan,” Minhyun says, smiling at me hesitantly, “are you tired? Did you just get a bit overwhelmed?” “Yeah, I'm sorry for yelling at you Hyung, I just got really sensitive, I must just be really tired,” I apologise,letting him wrap me up in a hug. I find myself burying into his warmth, hiding my face in his neck. The warmth, along with the way he's rubbing my back makes me even more tired, and I end up sagging against him, practically asleep standing. He and Sungwoon end up half carrying me to my bed, and I'm asleep almost instantly.

I jolt awake with a gasp, completely out of nowhere. Checking the time I see that it's just gone four in the morning. We need to be up in around two hours, but I don't think I'll be able to drop back off to sleep. I'm too worried about police officers showing up. I toss and turn for a few minutes, in the end I admit defeat, there's no time like the present. I climb out of my own bed and slip into Seongwoo's, cuddling as close as possible to him. He stirs as I work my way under his arm, automatically pulling me closer. 

“Jaewhannie, what's the matter? Did you have a bad dream?” he asks, voice thick with sleep. I shake my head, clutching at his t-shirt to try and find some inner strength. “What's happened?” he questions, clearly able to sense my apprehension. “Hyung, you know the case on the news?” “The entertainment one?” “Mhmm, I trained there Hyung.” “Oh you poor thing, it must have come as a shock to you. Seeing your old teachers on the news like that,” he says, pulling me even further into his arms. “No Hyung, you don't understand.” “What do you mean Jaehwan?” “It didn't come as a shock.” Silence. “Hyung, when I was a trainee there, they...they hurt me.” He immediately moves to sit up, leaning over to look me in the eye. “Are you implying what I think you're implying?” “They raped me.” It feels oddly freeing to say, and I can't help the tears that begin to fall. Seongwoo is quick to start wiping them off of my cheeks, but they keep on falling.

He gives up in the end, maneuvering us back to cuddling. “Talk to me,” he says, and so I do. I tell him about how it started, about how I was just a kid who didn't understand what was going on. About how everyone in a position of power within the company abused it, abused us. About the photos they'd take, the degrading poses they'd make us do. It made me hate myself, hate what they'd made me become. I told him that I left at the first opportunity, the second that contract expired. We're both sobbing by the end, I can feel his tears running into my hair and his chest is heaving in time with my own. I hear him murmuring “I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry,” as he holds me, and I let out all the pent up emotion as I cry in his arms. “Hyung, the phone call I received earlier, it was from a Hyung I trained with. He thinks that the police might show up to ask me questions. I'm scared.” “What are you scared of Jaehwan?” “What if other people find out? What if it gets leaked? What if they don't believe me?” “Hey, hey of course they'll believe you.” “I don't want to have to keep talking about it,” I tell him. “I know it's difficult, but you can do it. I'll stay with you if you want, okay?” “Do you promise?” “Promise I'll stay with you?” I nod. “Of course, I'll be there the entire time. I'm not going to make you do this on your own.” I find myself in tears again, for a whole different reason, but I let myself be comforted all the same. 

I was just drifting off when the door swings open. Jisung turns the light on and begins waking up Woojin and Minhyun on the other set of bunk beds. Seongwoo and I look at each other in panic as Jisung coos to Woojin, gently rousing him. We both look a complete mess, there is no hiding the red eyes or the tear stains.In the end we both hide under the cover, trying to prolong the inevitable. After a couple of minutes of hiding, Jisung shakes the cover. I stare at Seongwoo in alarm, but he just smiles at me before popping his head out of the blankets. “Hyung, Jaewhan is in here with me, and there's something he needs to tell you. It's important.” “What? Seongwoo-ah have you been crying?” I hear Jisung say, sounding alarmed. “Please Hyung, that doesn't matter now.” “Hang on, let me just lock the door.” Seongwoo is back under the covers for a second time, in order to scoop me up and into his arms. I can't meet Jisung’s gaze as he makes his way back towards the bed, and I see the shock on his face when he sees mine.

He all but runs towards me, scooping me up into his lap with a strength I did not know he possessed. “Jaewhannie, what happened my darling? What's the matter?” I tell him everything, and with every detail his arms around me get tighter. By the end both Seongwoo and I are in tears again. Jisung however has managed to remain dry-eyed, but I can see that he's secretly seething. He holds me close while I cry, and I see him gesturing for Seongwoo to come closer. We end up clinging to Jisung for a few minutes, until Minhyun starts hammering on the door asking to be let in. Shit yeah this is his room. 

Jisung looks panicked for a moment, but then composes himself instantly. He shifts me back onto the bed, before making his way to the door. He instructs Minhyun that the three of us aren't coming to practice today, and that he'll explain everything later. Minhyun sounds confused, but he can seemingly sense the urgency, and so drops his questioning. The second the door shuts Jisung is on the phone to one of our managers, explaining the situation in full. He also tells him that we might be getting a visit from the police. 

Once Jisung has checked that the others have left, we leave the safety of the bedroom and head towards the living room to wait for a manager to show up. We’re not left waiting for long, within ten minutes Howon Hyung is letting himself in. He greets the three of us warmly, before sitting down on the sofa opposite. “Okay, someone at management checked the protocol for this sort of thing, and if the police are planning on visiting they'll contact the company first. If and when they do so, someone over there will phone me ok, to give us a heads up. Try not to worry about it too much Jaehwan-ah, you're not in any trouble ok?” I nod in response, relieved at the no nonsense way he's dealing with the situation. 

We end up crashing on the couch watching some cartoons, until Manager Hyungs phone rings a couple of hours in. Jisung is quick to switch off the TV, and a tense silence follows. “Okay, okay yeah we'll be ready. Thanks for letting me know. Okay, yeah I'll keep you updated, bye.” He turns to face me and I just know. I feel my eyes begin to well up, and I begin to curl in on myself. He is quick to try and reassure me, coming forward to pull me into a light embrace. “Shhh, shhh it'll be alright Jaehwan-ah, you'll be okay.” “Hyung, I don't want to talk to them,” I whine. “You only have to talk to them this once, if you don't want to take it any further we won't push you. You can do this okay? You're going to be just fine.” I cling on to him until we hear a knock at the door. He gently detaches me before heading to greet the visitors. “Hyung, you'll stay with me right? You promised.” Seongwoo nods, “of course I'll stay.” “What about you Hyung?” “Do you want me there?” Jisung replies. I nod. “Then of course I'll stay baby,” he smoothed my hair down, pulling me into a side hug. 

We are interrupted by the arrival of the officers. “Jaehwan these are Detectives Park and Ha.” I peer over to see a woman and a man, both early to mid thirties, smiling at me gently. They seem kind, and I instantly feel more at ease. They introduce themselves before asking if I want to go somewhere more private. I shake my head, clutching closely at Jisung. “It's okay Jaehwan, your friends can stay if you want to. They decision is completely yours. You can change your mind at any time, okay?” I nod in response, letting out an exhale of relief. 

The interview is tough, I won't lie. Although both officers were as gentle as possible, they have to ask some very difficult questions. Poor Seongwoo has his hand trapped in my death grip the entire time, but to his credit he doesn't complain once. They let themselves out after speaking briefly with Manager Hyung, and I feel completely drained. I feel myself beginning to slip into my own mind, and everything feels muffled and out of reach. I let myself drift, unable to snap out of it even when I feel someone shaking me, calling my name. In the end I feel myself being pushed to lie down. I close my eyes as a hand brushes my hair out of my eyes, drifting off into a light doze. 

I’m woken by panicked yelling hushed down to whispers by Jisung. I let my eyes flutter open to see the entire group gathered in the doorway, looking worried. Jisung still has a hand on my hair, but his eyes are on me, looking hesitant. “What’s going on with Jaewhan? why were the three of you not at practice?” Daniel cuts through the tense silence. The three of us exchanged panicked looks with each other, no one knows quite what to say. “Manager Hyung said you guys had something to sort out, but he looked really shifty and wouldn’t elaborate,” Jinyoung added, looking worried. More panicked stare offs. I sigh, “it’s okay Hyungs, we can tell them. “Are you sure Jaewhan, you don’t have to if you’re not comfortable.” “Yeah, it’s not exactly going to go away is it?” “As long as you’re sure?” Jisung presses one final time. I nod, before letting him pull me up into a sitting position. He takes the seat directly to my right, Seongwoo immediately sitting to my left. The other members all take seats on the other sofa or the floor, crowding round with a degree of anxiousness. 

“We were talking to the police,” I mumble, eyes on the floor. “What do you mean the police? Why?” “They wanted to talk to me,” I reply. Well aren’t I being informative. “Jaehwan, please just tell us what’s going on,” Minhyun says, getting straight to the point. I gulp, eyes on the ground once more. “Enough, let him take his time,” Jisung interrupts, his voice indicating that he was very serious. He then pulls me close, pressing a kiss to the side of my head, “do you want me to tell them baby?” I nod in response, burying my head into his shoulder so I don’t have to see anyone’s reactions. Seongwoo strokes my back for the duration of Jisung’s explanation, soothing my winces whenever anyone makes a sound of pain or someone else begins to cry. Jisung keeps it reasonably brief, including all the major points but leaving out some of the more intricate details. I’m glad that the others don’t have to hear the details, they’re already upset as it is. I stay hidden in Jisung’s arms until I feel a hand on my knee. I look up to see Sungwoon crouched in front of me. He’s visibly upset but is trying to keep it together for the moment. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that.” “It’s alright, you weren’t the one that raped me.” Shit, where did that come from? Everyone freezes at my matter if fact words. “I’m sorry Hyung, I...I don’t know where that came from…” I tell him uneasily. “That’s alright, it’s probably just shock. A lot of emotions have been dredged up I suppose.” I nod in response, unsure of where to go from here. “Hyung, is that why you never signed with another label?” a tearstained Woojin asks from where he’d been tucked under Minhyun’s arm. “Yeah, I know it sounds stupid, but I couldn’t ever bear to become a trainee like that you know? “It doesn’t sound stupid at all, if anything I’m surprised you didn’t leave the industry altogether.” Daniel says. I shrug in response. Of course I considered it, but singing was the only thing I was ever truly good at, I’m not sure if anything would make me give it up. 

We end up watching some drama on tv to try and return to normalcy, but I do end up sandwiched between a clingy Daewhi and Guanlinnie who’s still sniffling. In the end though, we end up returning pretty much to normal. Our routine continues with packed schedules and long practices. I’m offered counselling, which I decline for the time being. I do have to promise Jisung that the second I feel like I’m struggling I let him know. I appreciate the concern but all I want is for things to carry on as usual, and luckily they seem to be.


End file.
